Stress Blog: Letting Go

Sometimes it's important to fight. If we need to maintain motivation to do well in school, if we want to keep going with a healthy lifestyle habit, or if we want to work though problems in a relationship, for example, there are times when fighting for what's important to you is worth it. Getting that degree, living in a healthier body, or maintaining a stronger relationship are all the rewards we get from this fighting, and they can bring us less stress in the long run.

But what about when it's better to just let go? If you're pursuing a major you realize is wrong for you, if you're training so hard that you're constantly sick or injured, if you're in a relationship that's abusive or just constantly conflicted, it may be more clear when it's time to let go. But what about the smaller decisions we have every day--"Should I force my son to practice guitar, or let him drop his lessons?" "Should I work to maintain a friendship that has started to leave me feeling frustrated more often than not?" "How should I respond to this new challenge I face?" At some point, the reward isn't worth the struggle.

One issue that many of us face here is that we don't adjust our awareness of the choices we have. We may feel that we "have no choice" in how to respond to challenges, so we keep working harder and harder (in the same way we'e been working) to meet the same goals, in hopes that life gets easier along the way. Or we may not recognize other choices that exist because we're so focused on overcoming the challenge that's in our path. Sometimes letting go of the fight is the best choice for stress relief in the long term.

What does "letting go of the fight" look like? It involves accepting what's going on right now in our lives (taking stock of all challenges, without denying obstacles), and then seeing where we might go next. With an open mind, we might, for example, decide that drum lessons--or no lessons--might be a better fit than guitar, and let go of the fight. We might decide that investing less in a conflict-riddled relationship and putting more into a supportive one will bring less stress. It means accepting what is, and deciding "what next?" with a renewed sense of optimism. And sometimes it means realizing that the fight really is worth it to us, but taking a different approach or attitude will work better.